Marcelo Balboa and Dave O'Brien:
" A beautiful night at the Olympic Stadion, Berlin"
The two blathering idiots put on quite a show in the finals. The camera panned onto Jacques Chirac a few times for about 20 seconds each time. It did not pique the interest of O'Brien and Balboa who probably did not know who he was. They mercifully did not hazard a guess otherwise we would have been told that the Dalai Lama was in attendence and was hanging out at the behest of Alessandro Del Piero who has decided to take the eightfold path to nirvana.
I have no idea why ESPN ever got the brainwave to hire Dave O'Brien the play by play commentator of the Florida Marlins and the NY Mets, both baseball teams. His commentating has the feeling of a bunt that plops in front, the pitcher starts to run towards the ball, and the batter to first base, only to have it roll back over the line, and be declared a foul ball. A lot of extraneous crap that goes nowhere but leaves you with, "Whaa?"
Marcelo Balboa, the color commentator, found coaching easy while he was in the box. "You havta, you wanta, you needta." The most amazing part for him was how a team would attack after being scored upon and the defence of the opposing team would fall back on.... defending. Why they did that was a mystery to Balboa, as much as the missing link, and the unified theory. If they had only listened to Balboa, all 32 teams would have still been in contention.
But mercifully we do not have to listen to them anymore. And though the US lost, we can thank our lucky stars that they lost on a beautiful Nuremburg afternoon, courtesy Balboa and O'Brien. And as Balboa and O'Brien kept reminding us in the final that the only team that stole two points from the Azzurris was the US team. Which deconstructed means that we just kicked ass. Not.