For someone with a bum ankle, Beckham sure gets around. OK, its not Becks, its his wife who is blowing air kisses at his ankle and putting ice packs so that he can make the most lavish introduction given to an athlete in Hollywood history.
Yes, buddies Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are pulling out all the stops in an exclusive 600 star power event at the Museum of Contemporary Art’s Geffen Contemporary, to welcome the Beckhams to LA. The guest list includes A-list celebrities, many who will surely love to pitch Beckham and Posh in their new productions. Steven Spielberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, Brian Grazer, David Geffen, Alan Horn, and Ron Meyer are names that keep summer hits coming. The paparazzi is not invited which leads to the many rumours afloat.
The buzz is that Cruise and Ron Meyer will sequester Beckham in a corner and ask him to become the next villain in Mission Impossible:LA Galaxy. The story follows Beckham, an evildoer (George W Bush will have a cameo), as an agent from Real Madrid planted in the Galaxy, plotting to implode their MLS season so that he can be sold back for $20,000, thereby bankrupting the club. What’s the point? Dunno. That is why they make Hollywood movies. There is a scene in which he and Tom Cruise in the role of wholesome Landon Donovan, the LA Galaxy hero, play hakki sack with a soccer ball filled with RDX, on a pitching helicopter with a dead pilot, while down below lies a muddy pool of ravenous crocodiles who have just thumbed down Posh Spice and her fake meat.
The final scene involves Becks taking a free kick that swerves down on a button the size seen in the Staples ads with letters that read IMPLODE. But he looks up and sees a TV monitor that shows the LA Galaxy losing to Tigres, 3-0 and he is overcome by waves of compassion, sympathy, and diarrhea. But it is too late, the ball is well on its way, locked into the far right hand curve of the button. Out of nowhere charges Landon Donovan, flinging himself down, headfirst, and deflects the ball just nanoseconds away from making contact with the button, saving the LA Galaxy from doom. Becks turns to the heavens and takes a few steps towards Donovan and collapses on his bum ankle. As Beckham is stretchered off, they exchange wry smiles. The LA Galaxy is saved from bankruptcy but not relegation and will have to fight Sheffield Utd (who have moved to the US under political asylum) to get back to the MLS.
Wait a minute. This is not true.
Who said it is? Tsk! Its a Hollywood movie.