Why Eric Cantona is the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Man Utd player touched by Cantona
Cantona’s self aggrandizing announcement that he would like to coach his former club was met by a collective loss of bodily functions of acolytes all over the world.
The man is an attention seeking gadfly. At the moment when the world watches the CL final between Man Utd and Barca, Cantona will be attending the premiere of his film in which he utters, ” I am Cantona ” Great line but that’s the problem. It works because those words define his legend. Everything will fall into place when he says that. Man Utd’s opponents will be caught in Magneto like force fields in which they mutate into spineless jelly fishes. His players will be set free of doubt and self loathing. Its a bit like the Flying Spaghetti Monster. A parody. Why believe in evolution and its complexity when there is a simple design. Its unthinking and fallacious. Just like when it comes to football, that a fetish for a cult of personality, will work.
Do you think Sir Alex in a million years would hobnob with the Cannes crowd? Good managers are for a lack of a better word, nerds. Even Jose Mourinho who looks a bit like a botoxed telenovela star was ill at ease when dragged into a studio in front of a live TV audience and forced to watch some scantily clad nymphet commit a sideline foul on him. Marcelo Lippi, Guus Hiddink, Arsene Wenger, Rafa Benitez, Felix Magath, every good coach shuns attention. Except Phil Brown who could have single handedly revived Chrysler’s used car division. They can ill afford being egotistic. Or launch some half career. Or kick sand. Or launch some half career in kicking sand.
It means paying attention to details. From transfer budgets to fouls committed. It means remaining focused doing grunt work. Sounds like an accountant but that is what managers are deep down inside. Wenger’s thoughts don’t turn to love when spring comes around, he is already calculating the transfer market. Sir Alex is worried that Ronaldo might leave, he wants Ribery. Think Cantona can handle all that. Bollocks.
Anyway, his next movie is called “The Pelvis moves”. Seems like the right move.

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