Recently in Soccer Humor Category

Adriano Galliani went on the charm offensive talking about Kaka.

"Certain love affairs never end. They go a long way away and then come back"

A day after, the club reportedly put together a €13m offer for Kaka's return to the San Siro after a disappointing number of seasons at Real Madrid. Jose Mourinho has made no bones that the one time footballer of the year has a limited future in the side. Milan on the other hand have lost their marquee players like Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Thiago Silva and desperately need a name like Kaka to drive up ticket sales.

The other salient point is Milan is trying to hold onto Antonio Cassano and Kaka's arrival may signal to the rebellious striker that they are still a club that attracts big names.

Evgen Eliseev of Ukrainian side Goverla tried to stop a Chernomorets attack but his attempt backfired spectacularly. Chernomorets won, 3-2. The reaction of Goverla's coach Alexander Sevidov was priceless.

More Sepp Blatter or blather. He is now insinuating that the 2006 World Cup was rigged to favour Germany.

When asked by the Swiss publication Blick about rumors of corruption surrounding the decisions to award the 2018 and 2022 World Cup tournaments to Russia and Qatar respectively, Blatter responded: "World Cups being purchased.... I am reminded of the World Cup allotment for 2006, when someone left the room at the last moment. And instead of 10:10, the vote was suddenly 10:9 in favor of Germany.... Perhaps in that situation also I was too well-meaning and naïve."

The reaction in Germany was altogether predictable. Franz Beckenbauer and Theo Zwanziger were "unable to comprehend the statements" and there was "no indications to suggest anything was askew". These allegations are not new with Guido Tognoni, a former FIFA executive shedding light on how Germany was awarded the 2006 World Cup, but the timing is interesting.

The German FA had come down hard on Blatter to resign in the wake of the report that fingered him as the FIFA official called P1 with full knowledge of bribes being paid to Joao Havelange, the former FIFA president and a mentor to Blatter. Initially, after denying his complicity using as his defense Swiss law sanctioning such type of payments, he then under pressure said the 96 year old Havelange should be stripped of his title of honorary president. His reaction to the German pressure to step down was to also throw them under the bus. It's a pattern that Blatter has followed in his career as FIFA president. Under threat, he blusters and bluffs his way through, pointing fingers at everyone else except him for the corrupt state of affairs. He could give the late Ken Lay a run for his money.

Think about it. A person leaves the room and it changes the voting and the outcome. The FIFA president is aware of the situation but does nothing to stop it claiming he was too naive. This is the sort of parody that goes into awarding the world's biggest and most lucrative sporting spectacle.

The Chievo Verona midfielder joins AS Roma on a three year transfer said to cost $4.6 million. He will keep company with club talisman Daniele De Rossi, Miraljem Panic, and Simone Perotta in the midfield.

Roma is owned by Thomas DiBenedetto, an American businessman and one of the partners at Fenway Sporting Group, who own the Boston Red Sox as well as Liverpool. Bradley's move to AS Roma is a shrewd move, not just because the American midfielder is a good fit in the Roma midfield, but it also represents the owners larger vision of marketing Roma to the USA.

DiBenedetto already has a proposal in place which will see Roma tie up with a Boston based soccer academy that will train over 8,000 kids in five states.

5 highlights of Don Diego's Al Wasl tenure.

1. Kicking an annoying as heck fan in the hand. To be kicked by the man who made the Hand of God a part of footballing lore could be considered a tribute.
2. His heartfelt condolences to the father of Theyab Awana, the UAE hero who died in a car accident.
3. Continuing his running feud with Pele, calling himself the Ronnie Wood, Keith Richards, and Bono of football after the Brazilian great said he was the Beethoven of the sport. Pele should just "crawl back into his sarcophagus."
4. Defending his goalkeeper Majed Nasser after he struck Al Ahly's coach Quique Sanchez Flores in the back of the head claiming the Spanish coach incited his player. Nasser was suspended for 17 games.
5. Climbing into the stands to confront Al Shabab fans for verbally abusing his wife. That was absolutely the right thing to do.

Sam Cronin of the San Jose Earthquakes lying prostrate on the pitch makes a miraculous recovery after getting struck by a ball kicked right at him by David Beckham. Those Herbalife jerseys worn by the LA Galaxy do have magical healing powers.

Becks was angry at Cronin's time wasting tactics as the Galaxy trailed 3-4 with about a minute to go. He was booked and then got into a shoving match with the Earthquakes. The MLS however took a dimmer view and banned him for a match. You do have to admire Becks accuracy. Maybe Stuart Pearce should take a closer look at this video.

Stuart Pearce states its all "footballing reasons" why David Beckham was not chosen. He did his due diligence watching Becks play in the flesh and also watching DVDs of his LA Galaxy performances. It's the Olympics in London, and the least he can do is give a good account of team GB on home soil. There is Senegal and Uruguay to beat which might be easier said than done. Then depending on their position in the group they could meet a very good Mexican or Swiss side, both tough competitors, in the quarterfinals.

If Pearce does well, it could be a nice resume builder for the really big international competitions.

We feel for Beckham. This could have been a nice swansong to bow out to but Pearce's concerns and priorities are also understandable.

Head on down to Who Ate All The Pies for a collection of Mario Balotelli inspired memorabilia. The City striker also dedicated his goals to his mother in a touching gesture. Well, he's kind of a sweet pushover behind that snarly exterior, isn't he?

Balotelli has also promised he's going to score four goals in the Panenka Masters classic this Sunday featuring Sergio Ramos vs Andrea Pirlo.

Funny and spot on. Here is the most recent Italy vs Germany match report. Tim's got a bunch more including England vs Italy and Germany vs Greece.

How about this for one of the most enduring images of the 2012 Euro? In the Germany vs Greece quarter-finals, Giorgios Samaras and Kyriakos Papadopoulos enact a manic Swan Lake pas de deux.

Samaras: Kyri, I have to confess, I'm actually Turkish and my name is Nestir Burcicoglu.

Papadapoulos: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

szólj hozzá: Löw esete a labdaszedővel

Joachim Low pokes a bit of fun at a unsuspecting ball boy. The German coach was a You Tube sensation in S.Africa, two years ago. Apparently, he's snacking again.

szólj hozzá: omgsport.ru Poland - Greece Full Highlights

Remember the name Carlos Velasco Carballo. The referee responsible for ending Sokratis Papastathopoulos's further participation for two ridiculous called fouls as Greece went a man down in the first half. Caraballo is obviously not a disciple of the Socratic method; more likely shock and erratic, best describes his style of officiating.

A Dimitris Salpigidis goal which was clearly legitimate was adjudged offside. However, Salpigidis also capitalized as Wojciech Szczesny gambled and lost on a cross which fell invitingly for the striker to score Greece's equalizer. The Arsenal goalie's evening unraveled further as he fouled Salpigidis and was sent off without complaint. He was exultant when Giorgios Karagounis could not climb the greasy pole with the subsequent penalty when his weak effort was saved by stand in Pzremyslaw Tyton.

It was all Poland in the first half as Robert Lewandowski took advantage of his Borussia Dortmund connections with Lukasz Piszczek and Jakub "Kuba" Blaszczykowski combining to send a sizzling cross his way which the striker was able to put away. Greece fought back and made the second half their own.

Maybe football can make Greece forget its existential crisis for a little while because they came off as moral if not actual winners. Poland failed to milk their home court advantage. No players or fans were harmed, at least not visibly on TV, because they were overwhelmingly white.

Two elements of the Italian game seem to have played two very different roles in the Chelsea vs Bayern Champions League final.

Roberto Di Matteo's catenaccio style layered defense that stretched Bayern worked to perfection while Jupp Heynckes decision to pull Thomas Mueller in the 84th minute to preserve a one goal lead proved disastrous.

Mexico entered the semi-finals of the Olympic qualifiers beating Panama last evening at the Home Depot Center, Carson. The Panamanians stretched out El Tri till stoppage time when Erick Torres struck a last minute winner.

Mexico now meet Canada while El Salvador who inflicted a last second heartbreak of their own on the USA, meet Honduras in a Central American semi-final clash. Honduras took care of the Soca Warriors in their last group match, 2-0.

Mario Balotelli took some precious time off from Man City's precariously poised Premiership campaign to fly down to Milan and disrupt Andrea Stramaccioni's press conference. Stramaccioni replaced Claudio Ranieri as Inter's coach following their disastrous slide down the Serie. Unauthorized break ins are a Balotelli special.

Lovely player, just not right for City to do what they have to do to win their first ever Premiership title.

The Premier League chairman and FA vice chairman, Sir Dave Richards made a thorough ass of himself at a recent symposium on the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. His is a very Eurocentric view and on top of that it's a subset (England and Germany) he uses to make his point. As if these are the only two countries that matter. Yes, we would all like to drink and enjoy the game and obviously the availability of alcohol outside of hotels is of importance. But don't frame it as a cultural issue. Frame it as a way of attracting fans or being good for business.

Well, right after that rant, Richards stumbles into an ornamental pool and soaks himself. Talk about drowning out any message he may have carried.

There was more embarrassing stuff about how FIFA and then UEFA had "stolen football" from England. The point is FIFA is just following the money and the fewer questions it gets asked about how it makes it the better. There are too many accountability requirements here which are not necessary in new economies flush with cash.

The symposium also became a sort of debating point about the origins of football. Richards being from Sheffield believed that it started in that industrial town. But China and Italy can also stake their claim as inventors of the sport. So can the Mayan civilization. But really, if football belongs to the world (the world's game), then the point should be moot.

Anyways, there's been all sorts of hand wringing from the FA and the Premier League, that Richards views were entirely his and in no reflected their thinking. The reality is the FA has been thoroughly outflanked as they found out when only two other associations endorsed their call to boycott the FIFA presidential elections last year. So they need to rollover and play dead in Blatter's gulag.

Ricardo Fuller obviously thinks he's Mario Balotelli or plays for a club like City. No, he plays for Stoke and has about a quarter of Balotelli's talent, so the most important thing for him was to repay Tony Pulis's faith in him and stay on the pitch to score a goal. But his reaction to Branislav Ivanovic in the 25th minute has to rank amongst the dumbest things this season.

Andre Marriner had no hesitation pulling out the red card. Fuller still seemed to believe he was a rocket scientist talking trash with Drogba and continuing to do so even after he exited the pitch. Stoke had to play a man down for more than a hour losing the match in the end. Nice going, Ricardo. Afterwards, Pulis was livid complaining of the striker's short fuse and calling it a ridiculous reaction.

szólj hozzá: Birmingham 0 Chelsea 2 GOALS

Roberto Di Matteo enjoyed success on his debut as Chelsea's interim manager as his club beat Birmingham, 2-0 with goals through Juan Mata and Raul Meirelles. He then dedicated the win to Andre Villa Boas. A bit too cute.

Meanwhile Pep Guardiola appears to be leaning towards taking a sabbatical this summer from coaching which will not make Roman Abramovich very happy as he was first on his wish list. In a sign his reputation as an owner who eats managers for breakfast is damaging Chelsea's hiring prospects, no less than three other coaches have distanced themselves from the job. They include Harry Redknapp, Brenden Rogers, and Jogi Low. The only coach actually auditioning for the role is Rafa Benitez.

Swansea's coach Rogers is regarded as a future Alex Ferguson. But even he knows he's up against a narcissist in Abramovich. "I am trying to build my career and not destroy it." Well put. He might be the ideal replacement for Wenger at Arsenal if the French manager decides to leave this summer.

Inter's fan journalist at Direttastadio, Filippo Tramontana endures another team loss this time against Napoli as the Nerazzurri continue their rocky season. Here he and Elio Corno flip out and when Corno is asked for his analysis, he responds, "My analysis? Inter are a team of mastur***ors."

szólj hozzá: ovi1-2c,o[Matchhighlight.com]

There are legends and then there is Ryan Giggs who looks good for another 900 appearances for Man Utd. Here is his extra time winner against Norwich City. His midfield counterpart Paul Scholes opened the score as the two evergreens stamped their class over Norwich who are no pushovers demonstrated by Grant Holt's late strike.

Giggs and Scholes have combined for 1586 appearances for Utd which would mean the duo have run approximately 16,000 kms (a midfielder covers 10-11 km per match on average) which is about the distance from New York to Sydney. This is of course one way of looking at it. The other is to look at how Utd have flourished with them in the squad. One does not have to be a genius to figure Utd improved perceptibly since Scholes's return from retirement in late January.

The corollary is obvious. What does Sir Alex do when they finally hang up their boots? Tom Cleverly has shown glimpses of his immense potential but one can't say the same about the on and off Nani and Anderson. However Utd also look to benefit from a decline in that same vital area amongst its rivals like Chelsea and Arsenal which should keep them ticking at the top.

In two or three years, we can expect Sir Alex Ferguson to step down at United, and live out his wife's dream - as a milkman!

Read all about it >>

There was some fond hope that the man handcuffed to the goalpost was making a grandiose statement about the unholy sums of money destroying football (read City). Or maybe he had tried handcuffing himself to a badger the previous evening with unsatisfying results and wanted something different.

It turned out he was protesting Ryanair unfairly terminating his daughter in 2010. John Foley is his name and he had staged other such protests around this issue, just not as bizarre as this.

Anyway, it made for good theatre, but it got Roberto Mancini in a tizzy and he made a sending off gesture which got Wayne Rooney all mad. He later twittered about Mancini being against working class men. The last part is all rubbish. But it could be true.