Newcastle to be Bill Gates latest philanthropic endeavour

If he buys it will be under the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation to improve the fans health in the toxic environs of St James Park. An environmental impact statement on how Mike Ashley and Dennis Wise are affecting the physical and mental well being of the locals is being prepared. Bill and Melinda will use that to talk down the price.
Highlights of a B&M takeover:
1) Access to mental health practitioners to combat MADS (Mike Ashley Depressive Syndrome), a crippling and infectious disease previously thought to be caused by bad credit.
2) An infusion of free beer and prawn sandwiches to improve nutritional standards and girth.
3) Kevin Keegan back and Dennis Wise out to end the conflict in war torn Newcastle. Some fans now support Sunderland.
4) Unlimited cash for high priced transfers to improve the GDP of the area (rich players live in ritzy houses, blow up cash in night clubs, and smoke some expensive s**t)
5) Bionic knees for Michael Owen to free up medical emergency personnel to handle real emergencies.
6) Joey Barton neighbourhood crime watches to prevent attacks on shins and other anatomical parts that have plagued the area. See above highlight.

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