“Hey Sepp, I’m going to squeeze the jelly from your eyes and have it on toast”
Sepp Blatter beefed up his group of FIFA advisers today adding the name of Shrek and Justin Bieber to the already invited Placido Domingo, Henry Kissinger, and Johan Cruyff.
Asked about Shrek, the FIFA president revealed he liked nothing better than soaking in a hot tub watching reruns of the plain spoken ogre fight the medieval forces of chicanery and corruption. It was a tough toss up between Shrek and the talking donkey but the former won because he resembled a certain footballer whose name Blatter said escaped him.
Justin Bieber was an intriguing choice but Blatter gave him the nod because anything that gets the U13 crowd shrieking is a good thing. The better to drown out Jack Warner’s tsunami of secrets. Besides, Bieber’s Canadian and they play ice hockey. Which Qatar does not.
All part of an image revamp of hitherto octogenarian white male privilege. It reaches out to the last two demographics not already turned off by FIFA – animated characters and prepubescent girls.